The Case for Not Looking: What a Year of Analogue Film Photography Taught Me

On delayed gratification, analogue process, and what uncertainty teaches you

Why I waited a full year to develop my film On delayed gratification, analogue process, and what uncertainty teaches you

Have you ever done this?

I took photographs for a full year and didn't look at a single one until the year was over.

No previewing, no test rolls, no reassurance. Just fifty-two weeks of going to the same place, photographing with the same film camera, and putting the rolls away in a bag when I got home.

People ask me if I was scared. I was nervous, especially at the beginning. There's a particular kind of anxiety that comes from not knowing. It wasn't a dramatic fear, it was the background noise of whether or not I exposed correctly, is the camera working, what if none of this is usable?

The not knowing became part of the practice. Unexpectedly.

Because I couldn't check, I had to trust my own judgment. Because I couldn't adjust my settings based on yesterday's images, each visit to the conservatory ended with a roll of film tidily rewound into its metal case.

I was fully there. There was nowhere else for my attention to go.

Our culture is built on instant feedback. Take a photo, see it immediately, adjust, reshoot. Post it, watch the numbers. The loop is fast and it's relentless. We need a response before we've even finished the thing.

The analogue process broke that loop for me. Do the work, then let go. The result will be what it is. I didn't get to manage it in real time.

When I finally developed all the film in batches after the full year, the images were a surprise to me. Some I remembered making. Others I had forgotten completely. A few stopped me completely when I saw them.

I don't think I could have made those images any other way. Patience was the point. The waiting was the work.

The show opens May 1st as part of CONTACT Photography Festival. Come and see what a year of not knowing looks like when it finally comes to light.

In the Hours of Light opens May 1st as part of CONTACT Photography Festival at three Toronto venues — Ezra's on Dupont, Supercoffee on Davenport, and Supernova on Broadview.

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